Shattered Dreams
by Mungbeans
Summary: Sakura has always been in love with her best friend Li, but when something terrible happens, she knows he'll never love her back. When Li finds out that Sakura's moving to NY he realizes that he's in love with her, but will he convince her in time?
1. Heart and Soul

Hey everyone,  
  
I wanted to say thanks to grandsummon for reminding me about my signed reviews error. I forgot all about that.  
  
**Disclaimer: I do not own CCS. Clamp does.**

**Mungbeans**

He had lost her.  
  
The realization slammed into Syaoran Li's chest with unexpected force causing the guitar clasped between his hands to drop to the ground with a thud, but he didn't notice. Everything around him ceased to exist; his band members, the roaring crowd, the guitar he had been tuning. Everything. He was lost in his thoughts.  
  
Scenes flashed through his scrambled mind like jagged flashes of lightning.  
  
Oh God! Syaoran groaned, burying his head in his hands. What had he done?  
  
"What the fuck have I done?"  
  
"Come on Sakura, it'll be fun," Tomoyo Daidouji coaxed her best friend. So far it hadn't done any good. She had already tried begging, pleading and cajoling but Sakura continued to steadfastly ignore her.  
  
Tomoyo surveyed the room she and Sakura had spent half there lives in. The small beautifully furnished bedroom held a wealth of memories. Their walls were stained with tales of love, friendship, happiness and heartache. She was going to miss Sakura's bedroom.  
  
Sakura had nearly finished packing and although the room was bare of most of her personal possessions which were laying in the safety of her suitcase, Tomoyo could still picture the room as it had been in all the times she had spent in there.  
  
She remembered the laughs they had shared, the secrets they had confided in each other, the tears they had spilled, but somehow none of those memories of heartbreak compared to the one which was being made at that very moment.  
  
"Sakura, we don't even have to stay long. Please, you're leaving in a couple of hours to New York. You can't go without saying goodbye to everyone." Tomoyo felt bad for using guilt but it was the only thing she knew that would make Sakura go their 'leaving high school' formal.  
  
"Don't you understand, Tomoyo?" She jumped as Sakura suddenly whipped around, dashing furiously at the uncontrollable tears streaming down her pale cheeks. "I can't go!" she shouted furiously, angry at her lack of composure, "I can't see him again!" she turned away, unable to bare Tomoyo's understanding gaze. "I can't. . ." she cried softly. Unable to stop the torrent of tears she gave into them, letting the powerful sobs rack her body. Sliding to the ground, she brought her knees up and hugged herself, as though it would somehow diminish the pain that was currently slicing through every part of her body.  
  
Tomoyo rushed forward, dropping to her knees, she wrapped her arms around Sakura's huddled form and gathered her close, wanting to lend comfort though she knew that she wasn't much help.  
  
Crooning soft words to her over and over again, Tomoyo tried to offer as much comfort as she could. When at last she felt Sakura's body relax and her breathing even, she let go and draped a blanket over her friends sleeping form.  
  
Snapping open her cell phone, Tomoyo furiously dialed her boyfriend's number and waited impatiently as the dial toned rang continuously. Finally, someone picked up.  
  
"Yeah? It's Eli," Eli answered.  
  
"Eli? Are you sure this is a good idea?" Tomoyo asked anxiously. "What if he hurts her again?" she demanded furiously. No matter how much she loved him, she would go against Eli if it meant Sakura wouldn't go through this much pain again.  
  
"Look sweetheart, I know Li; whatever happened he didn't mean to hurt her. He loves her." Eriol reasoned.  
  
"But you haven't seen her yet. God Eli, it's like everything within her is shattered." She cried softly, "I can't bare to see her like this. She doesn't deserve this." She whispered painfully. She looked down at her friend, even in her sleep Sakura looked trouble and vulnerable. Tomoyo sighed, Sakura was everything good, she didn't deserve this.  
  
"I promise everything will be fine." He promised.  
  
"But what if he-?"  
  
"Do have faith in me?" Eli asked calmly.  
  
"I-" Tomoyo sighed knowing that Eli was right; if he promised everything would be alright, then it would. Eli never broke his promises. "Yes, I do have faith in you." She smiled at her blind faith in him. But when you loved someone as much as she did him, blind faith came easily.  
  
"Make sure she's there by eight." He instructed, sounding unfazed by her faith, but she could here the hint of his smile behind the words; she knew without a doubt that his love for her rivaled her own.  
  
"Alright, but her plane leaves at eight-thirty," Tomoyo reminded him.  
  
"Then we have plenty of time," she was about to switch of her phone when the sound of his voice brought the phone back to her ear. "By the way, don't forget that i love you." Tomoyo smiled at Eli's husky reminder, but by the time her voice came back the dial toned signaled the end of the call.  
  
Tomoyo crouched down next to Sakura, hugging her friend closely, she settled into a more comfortable position and sighed. "Eli promised everything will turn out right, Sakura. We have to believe in him."  
  
Sakura twisted and groaned, trying to resist the pull of the torturous memories. She didn't want to revisit them.  
  
Hadn't she had enough pain already!  
  
She screamed as the memories gripped her, unable to pry herself from their grasp she tumbled through the abyss to find herself at hell's door.  
  
She could hear her memories screaming at her through the door, each coaxing her to open the door. Powerless to stop herself, she watched horrified as she slowly reached out and grasped the shiny door knob.  
  
"No! Don't, please," she sobbed, but her body wouldn't listen. She squeezed her eyes shut in hopes that it would all disappear, but it didn't. She felt her hand twist the knob and slowly pull open the door. She braced herself expectantly, but nothing happened. Feeling the air whoosh out of her lungs, she let go of the doorknob and breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
Suddenly the door ripped off its hinges. Sakura froze, terrified as icy fingers shot out all around her, seizing her by the waist. She watched as the numerous hands dragged their horrified captive into their world.  
  
Tomoyo jolted as Sakura startled thrashing wildly. She attempted to calm her down but Sakura was unrelenting.  
  
"Sakura? Sakura?!" Tomoyo was suddenly afraid for her friend. Sakura had given her a vague recollection of what had happened that night after she had left Syaoran's but Tomoyo sensed that Sakura hadn't told her the most distressing part.  
  
"Sakura? God, what did that bastard do to you?" After several futile attempts at calming her friend down, Sakura finally gave in and quieted down.  
  
"Oh, Sakura," Tomoyo sobbed, "what demons did he plague you with?"  
  
Li could have kicked himself for his stupidity. He knew Sakura better then he knew himself. he knew that after all she had been through she didn't want to be left alone no matter how much she had clamed that she did.  
  
Raking a frustrated hand through his messy locks he exhaled slowly. He should have never pushed her aside like that. He should have spent more time with her. He should have been there for her when she needed him most. He should have kept his promises to her.  
  
He should have. . .  
  
God, there were so many things he should have done. But it was too late now. All he could do now was do his best to make it up to her. That's if she would let him.  
  
But after everything they had been through together, when she needed him most he hadn't been there.  
  
Li tried to not give in to despair.  
  
Sakura opened her eyes to find herself in a stark white room. She attempted to move her limbs, breathing a sigh of relief when she found them unbound. They had finally let her go. She looked around at the strange surroundings. It was a pure white room. The walls and ceiling were all virginal white. Looking down she felt a silent gasp pass through her parted lips. It looked like the room went on forever.  
  
She froze, afraid to move. Icy tendrils of fear curled around her stiffened form. Where was she? Squeezing her eyes shut, she fervently prayed that by the time she opened her eyes everything would disappear and she would find herself in the familiar surroundings of her cozy bedroom again, with Tomoyo.  
  
But to her dismay, when her eyes opened she was still surrounded by a landscape of white and a quick glance down showed that she was still suspended in midair.  
  
Wanting nothing more to do with the eerie room, she began to search for the door she had entered through. She didn't know what she would do when she found it, but her mind was in such a wild fit that she could only deal with one thought at a time.  
  
Suddenly a flickering light behind her drew her attention.  
  
She watched half fascinated half afraid as a large screen unfolded before her. It seemed to take up the whole wall. She was sure that if it didn't emit that soft blue glow that she would have missed it. It practically melted into the wall.  
  
The instant the screen stop flickering a feeling of foreboding rushed through her, causing her to drop to her knees and gasp for breath. She knew what was coming but try as she could she couldn't advert her eyes from the large screen.  
  
Sakura shook her head furiously as a scene appeared on the blank canvas. It looked innocent enough with a small green-eyed girl and amber-eyed boy sitting beneath a Sakura tree, but she knew how that particular movie would end. There was only one way it could end, in heartache and pain.  
  
"No! I don't want to see this, you hear me?! I don't want to relive this!" Sakura begged brokenheartedly. But the movie plowed on, unaware of the torment it was subjecting its viewer to, or maybe because.  
  
**(12 Years ago)**  
  
"Look daddy, there's someone moving into the mansion," Sakura tugged at her father's sleeve and pointed excitedly to the sprawling house across the road.  
  
"Ahh, I see the Li's have arrived at last," Fujitaka explained to his six year old daughter. "I hear they have a son around your age. Why don't you take this over and introduce yourself? I'm sure he doesn't know anyone, he might need a friend to show him around." He smiled down at his fidgeting daughter.  
  
"What if he doesn't like me?" Sakura asked hesitantly as she clutched the proffered apple pie.  
  
"Of course he won't like you, you're a monster,' Touya snickered at his little sister.  
  
Sakura laughed in glee as she watched her older brother howl in pain; poor Touya never did learn not to mess with her.  
  
Daintily steeping off her brother's injured foot, she stuck out her tongue and crossed the street to the newly vacated house, but as always she couldn't resist getting out the parting shot.  
  
"Being a monster must run in the family then Touya, 'cause nobody likes you either."  
  
"Looks like she got you there, son," Fujitaka chuckled.  
  
Touya glared at the two small figures conversing across the street. Muttering something under his breath, he gave one last glower before stomping back in the house.  
  
"Hello," Syaoran turned around at the sound of the small voice. He was startled to find himself looking at a tiny girl with a mop of brown hair and vivid green eyes that looked way too big for her small face.  
  
"Um, hey," He wondered who she was, she looked a little nervous. He watched her glance around nervously, clutching some sort of dish to her chest. She looked ready to bolt.  
  
Taking a deep breath Sakura smiled at the amber-eyed boy who was staring at her. "Myname'sSakura.Mydaddygavemethistogivetoyou.Hesaidthatyoumightneedafriendbu ti'llgoawayifyoudowantotbemyfriend." she quickly thrust the pie dish into the small boy's hands, wincing as he grunted.  
  
Syaoran stared at her dumbfounded, "huh?"  
  
Sakura blushed to the roots of her hair. Berating herself for confusing her new neighbour she took a deep calming breath and told herself to slow down. "I'm sorry, I meant to say that my name's Sakura. My daddy gave that dish to give to you. It's apple pie. And he said that you might need a friend to show you around, but if you don't want to be my friend, then I'll go." She was already turning away before she had finished her sentence.  
  
Tucking the apple pie under one arm, he reached out to grab her hand.  
  
"uh, no don't go yet. I-I-I'd like you to be my friend." Syaoran felt twin spots of pink lighten his cheeks.  
  
He was amazed at the wide grin that spread on his new friend's face. Suddenly two chubby arms were tightly wrapped around his middle. "I'd really like that too," Sakura said fervently.  
  
**(One year later age 7)**  
  
Sakura, what is it?" Syaoran asked anxiously, as Sakura ran across the road and hurtled straight into his arms. Tears were streaming down her cheeks.  
  
He let her take so calming breaths before she could get the words out. "Ke- ke-ke," she hiccuped between sobs, "he died." She ended on big gulping sobs.  
  
"Kero died?"  
  
Sakura nodded furiously making her pigtails swing out of control. One whacked Syaoran right in the eye.  
  
"Would you like to say something Sakura?"  
  
Sakura nodded, walking up to Syaoran she bowed her head and began the speech she had prepared. "Kero you were such a good friend," she dashed at a tear, "I'll never forget you. I know you always dreamed of the big sea and I want you to know that you're going to go to a better place."  
  
"Is that all Sakura?" Syaoran asked as he nursed his swollen right eye. Sakura gave a small nod.  
  
They gathered around the toilet bowl and watch as Syaoran released the small fleck of gold in his left hand.  
  
"If you'll do the honours Sakura?" Sakura stepped forward and flushed the toilet, softly crying as she watched her dead goldfish swirl around the bowl before getting sucked through the pipe.  
  
**(Two years later age 9)**  
  
"What's this?" Sakura asked as Syaoran quickly shoved a small wrapped package into her hand.  
  
She watched fascinated as a beet red Syaoran mumbled a reply. Syaoran's colouring was rivaling that of a tomato.  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"It's your valentines present." Syaoran mumbled quickly. Spinning around, he shuffled over to her bedroom window and looked out, though he wasn't really looking in any in particular. He just didn't want to face her if she was disappointed in his gift.  
  
He was about to mumble an apology and rush out of the room when he heard her squeal of delight.  
  
"Oh Syaoran, it's beautiful." Syaoran turned around to find Sakura beaming up at him. She reached in and delicately extracted the fine chain of gold. He heard her gasp as the light chain nestled in the palm of her hand.  
  
"Here, let me help you put it on," Syaoran offered, relieved that Sakura loved his gift. He had spent hours picking it out at the jewelers by himself. He remembered the saleswomen smile as he picked out the chain and gave her his piggy bank. He had been saving up for Sakura's gift for ages.  
  
"What is it Sakura?" Syaoran asked as Sakura looked up at him with embarrassed, distraught eyes.  
  
"I didn't get anything for you though," Sakura burst out. Her bottom lip trembled at her colossal mistake. She couldn't accept this when she had nothing to give in return.  
  
Syaoran smiled down at her calmly, "It's alright."  
  
"But, but," Sakura spluttered, unable to stop the feeling of guilt welling up in her. Suddenly a thought came to her. "Wait! Close your eyes." Sakura ordered. She waited till she was sure the Syaoran wasn't peeking before she walked right up to him and grasped his head softly between her hands.  
  
"No peeking," she admonished as his lashes flickered.  
  
Syaoran smiled. Sakura sounded down right nervous. He knew he shouldn't peek but he didn't fully trust her not to hurt him. He winced as he remembered the swollen eye her ponytail had given him. It had taken weeks for it to heal.  
  
All thoughts ceased as he felt her lips touch his tentatively. Then suddenly she was kissing him, and although it was awkward it was the best kiss he had ever received.  
  
"Happy valentines day, Syaoran." Sakura whispered with a smile on her lips.  
  
**(One year later age 10)**  
  
"Sakura?" Syaoran whispered softly. He edged around the large trunk of the Sakura tree to find his best friend trying her best not to weep.  
  
"Oh, Syaoran she's dead." Sakura whimpered. Syaoran knelt next to Sakura's huddled form and wrapped her in his arms. He whispered soothing words to her, hoping that they would calm her a little.  
  
His sweet Sakura, she was so innocent. He wasn't sure if she was emotionally equipped to deal with the blow of her mother's death. At least he knew what she was going through; his father had died in a car pileup when he was five. It had been the reason why his family had moved to Toemeda.  
  
"Why'd she leave me?" Sakura cried brokenheartedly. "Didn't she love me?"  
  
"Of course she loved you. She didn't mean to leave you, it's just that the cancer was too strong for her." He explained slowly. Unfolding his handkerchief, her used it to mop away her tears. "She's in heaven now." He tried to smile reassuringly but only managed a small grin.  
  
"You won't leave me too, will you Syaoran?" she clutched onto his shirt and stared at him with an anxious eyes.  
  
At first he tried to pry her fingers off, but after a few attempts he let her stay glued to him. "Don't be silly, of course I'll never leave you." He ruffled her hair, knowing that it would annoy her but hoping that the small semblance of normality would cheer her up.  
  
"Promise?" she stuck out her pinky.  
  
"Promise," Syaoran replied with a grin. Hooking his pinky around her smaller one they shook fingers solemnly.  
  
Sakura sighed in relief. Crawling closer to her best friend, she nestled against the warmth of his chest and fell into a peaceful sleep with a contented smile lingering on her lips.  
  
**(One year later age 11)**  
  
"Syaoran! Syaoran! Guess what!" Sakura squealed excitedly.  
  
Syaoran looked up from the notes he had been studying and turned towards the tornado that had blown through his door.  
  
"What is it Sakura?" Syaoran asked calmly. A smile played on his lips as he viewed her excited state. She had such an extreme personality; she was always either sadder then the sun on a rainy day or happier then a fish in water. But she meant the world to him.  
  
"I got an A for math's!" Spotting her best friend at his desk, she hurtled herself across the vast room with the speed of Roadrunner. "I was sure I was going to fail before you offered to become my slave driving tutor." Syaoran chuckled at the nickname she had deemed him when he had refused her recess unless she finished her sums.  
  
Coming up behind him, she wrapped her spaghetti arms around him and hugged him for all she was worth. "And it's all thanks to you, Syaoran." She sighed and rested her head against the hollow between his shoulder blades.  
  
"I knew you could do it, Sakura."  
  
**(Two years later age 13)**

"Stupid algebra," Sakura muttered, ripping the page of sums from her pad she crumpled at piece of paper and hurled it into the bin.  
  
Sighing, Sakura finally gave up. She had been at the blasted sums for hours now, but it was useless, without Syaoran's help she was useless at any form of math's. She counted herself lucky for knowing how to count.  
  
Leaning back she rested against the large trunk of the Sakura tree. Light flickered through the heavy branches of lush green leaves causing shadows to dance across her outstretched legs.  
  
She could hear a group of teenagers approaching but ignored their intrusion upon what she had knighted as her and Syaoran's territory.  
  
". . .Did you see his abs?" Sakura rolled her eyes at the high pitched giggles. Her peers were such air heads, they liked nothing more then to talk about boys, shopping and make-up; ick!  
  
Closing her eyes, she concentrated on the soft breeze floating around her and the heady scent of the cherry blossoms. She tried ignoring the gaggle of loud females but at the mention of her best friend her eyes shot open.  
  
"Yeah I know, Li is so totally hot! I saw him playing tennis without his shirt on and I nearly got heat rash! He's so hot he's practically smoking!" Sakura was sure that if her jaw could it would have hit the grass with a thud.  
  
Syaoran? Hot? She shook her head and tried to wipe the dumbfounded expression from her face. No, they were probably gossiping about a different Li. But he sounded an awful lot like the Li she knew. Syaoran loved playing tennis; it being a one-on-one sport. He was a good team player. Sakura scoffed, hell he hated playing in teams, unless it was a team full of Syaoran Li's.  
  
"I know. But I wonder why he hangs around that loser Kinomto? Have you seen the way she acts around him, she's like a love-sick puppy hanging on to his every word. Sit Sakura, fetch Sakura, roll over Sakura," Sakura felt the nausea at the back of her throat. Was that how everyone viewed her friendship with Syaoran? Did they think she was in love with him?  
  
Sakura bolted upright as the startling realization hurled into her.  
  
She had fallen in love with her best friend.  
  
She had fallen in love with Syaoran Li.  
  
**(Two years later age 15)**  
  
"Hello Sakura," Yelan opened the front door and greeted Syaoran's regular visit.  
  
"Hi Mrs. Li, I was wondering if Syaoran's here?" Sakura smiled up at the beautiful woman. At first, Syaoran's mum had made her nervous with her stark beauty but after she had gotten to know the woman she had become more like a second mother now.  
  
"Sorry sweetheart you just missed him. He left with a couple of his friends not long ago." Yelan explained.  
  
"Oh, I see. Well thanks anyway Mrs. Li." Yelan watched as Sakura's face fell. She knew that her son was roaming around with different friends now that he had discovered his own appeal but she had hoped that she had taught her son better then to drop his old friends for new ones. Especially when his old friend was Sakura. She knew that they were very special to each other. They had spent every waking minute of their days together as children but it seemed that they were drifting apart now. Or more truthfully Syaoran was putting a wedge between their once solid friendship.  
  
She had come to regard Sakura as one of her own children and hated seeing her look so down trodden and she knew that Sakura was upset though the girl was trying to put up a brave font.  
  
"Are you sure you don't want to come in, Sakura? You can wait for him if you like?"  
  
"Uh, no I'll catch up with him later. Thanks. Bye." Yelan watched as Sakura gave a small wave before disappearing into the house opposite her own. Syaoran's childhood best friend had bloomed into a beautiful woman, not only on the outside but in the inside too. She hoped that her son would realize it too before it was too late.  
  
**A.N**  
  
Hope you guys liked that. I loved writing this fic. It was really hard to begin with so their might be some mistakes. I rushed through this 'cause I really wanted it done, don't ask me why I haven't figured that out yet.  
  
I know I've got truckloads of mistakes and big potholes in the plot so I don't need anyone to remind me. Any flames will be used to roast chicken for my dinner. =P  
  
Anyways, I really wanted to finish this fic fast 'cause I want to work on my other fic. I just wanted to write it because of the songs really. ;  
  
Don't forget to review!!  
  
**© 20 January 2004**


	2. Confessions

Hey peoples!  
  
Sorry but this is the same story. I just decided to split it up into two chapters because it was too long for one page—nearly ten thousand words!  
  
Anyways, I've already written out an epilogue and if you guys want it, I'll update it.  
  
Okay, I'm not going to name any names but one of my 'reviewers' has copied a large portion of my plot! I'm really, really pissed off at them! You know who you are and I know who you are so you better watch it!  
  
Please read; it says COPYWRITE!  
  
© 2 March 2004  
  
Email: silver_pixiedust@hotmail.com  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own CCS. Clamp does.  
  
~Mungbeans~  
  
~***~  
  
Previously: Sakura has just gone over to Syaoran's house to find that he's ditched her again for his 'friends'. Disheartened, she turns around and leaves, tears clinging onto her lashes. . .  
  
~***~  
  
(Three years later ~ age 18)  
  
"But I thought we were going to see a movie tonight?" Sakura looked at her best friend in confusion.  
  
"I'm sorry Sakura but I completely forgot." Syaoran reached out for his crisp white shirt.  
  
"But we had this planned for ages." Sakura grumbled, sliding off the bed she walked over to his walk-in closet to retrieve the newly ironed shirt.  
  
"Sakura, you know Asuka, I already promised her that I'd take her to that new Italian restaurant. I can't just ditch her at the last minute." Like you ditched me? Sakura thought cattily. "You know how it is." Sakura rolled her eyes as she flopped back onto Syaoran's king size bed. Asuka Ritsuko was the biggest bitch at school. She was beautiful and popular; everything every girl wished to be that is with the exception of herself.  
  
"How about we go another day?" Syaoran turned towards her giving her his special smile. Damn him, he knew that he could get her to do whatever he wanted when he smiled at her that way.  
  
But this time Sakura refused to be swayed. Like she would let anyone push her aside for Asuka, even Syaoran didn't have that pleasure.  
  
"How bout we not." Sakura muttered angrily spinning around to face her astonished friend. "This is the third time you've blown me off. It's always either your new 'friends' or your new fuck bunnies. Who the hell do you think you are Syaoran?" Sakura crossed her arms across her chest and glowered at the bristling male before her.  
  
"Wait one fucken minute here. What the hell's gotten into you." Syaoran growled.  
  
"You wanna know what's gotten into me, well how's bout this. You've changed. Where the hell has my best friend gone? You're nothing but a selfish bastard." She spat.  
  
"What stick do you have up your ass now? That's bull shit! Is it because I'm not giving you enough attention or something?" Syaoran rolled his eyes, exasperated.  
  
"The one that said we used to be friends, that's what stick. And no, you've given me plenty of attention too bad I don't want it. Save it for your admirers. Fuck you Li, you're not worth my time." Shooting him a withering look, she spun on her heel and walked out.  
  
It was only when she stepped out into the darkened street before she let the tears fall.  
  
***  
  
Syaoran let out a deep growl of frustration before flipping out his cell.  
  
"Asuka? Yeah, it's Li here. Look I can't make it tonight. I've got something more important." Ignoring the blondes gasp of indignation, he threw the phone onto the bed and rushed out the door.  
  
He had to find Sakura and apologize to her. She was right he had become a selfish bastard lately. His looks and money had gone to his head, for a moment they had been all that had mattered to him.  
  
How could he have been so fucken stupid the only thing that was of real importance was the one person who had just left his life, he just hoped that it wouldn't be for good.  
  
~***~  
  
Li looked out through the heavy curtains to the large crowd. All of the senior students had come to the leaving ball. It was a major event and he knew he was lucky to be able to play at it but all of that didn't matter to him, not now.  
  
Only Sakura mattered.  
  
He didn't want to leave his friends without a guitarist and lead singer, but if he knew that if he didn't leave now he risked the chance of losing Sakura forever.  
  
He couldn't let that happen, not now.  
  
Not when he had finally realized that he was in love with her.  
  
~***~  
  
Sakura angrily dashed away the streams of tears as she blindly ran.  
  
The moon hovered in the dark inky sky giving everything an eerie glow. The streets were deserted, she was alone. Like that was new.  
  
She wasn't aware of how long she had run for or in which direction, it had just seemed important that she run.  
  
She gave a hollow laugh, as if she could outrun what the scene she had started in Syaoran's bedroom.  
  
When it seemed that her lungs would burst from exhaustion, Sakura finally stopped and looked around trying to get her bearings.  
  
Everything looked unfamiliar, where was she?  
  
"Well, well, well, what have we got here?" Sakura stifled a scream as a large silhouette appeared before her.  
  
Seeing his prey get ready to flea, he sidestepped her lousy attempt at escape and grinned. "Oh no you don't. You're not going anywhere. We're going to have a little bit of fun first." Sakura trembled violently when the man clamped his large fist around her upper arm. She knew that one little squeeze would do for him to snap it in half.  
  
"Let me go," She demanded, trying to sound brave but her voice came out as a mere whisper.  
  
"I don't think so," the stench emitting from the man was unbearable. Sakura wanted to gag.  
  
"Please," she begged unable to stop the tears from trailing down her pale cheeks. Some part of her knew what the perverted man wanted but she refused to listen to it. No! She wouldn't listen to it.  
  
'I don't think so," Sakura froze in pure terror as the large man advanced towards her. Gabbing her arms he pinned her up against the fence and ripped open her blouse.  
  
Sakura felt a red mist cloud her mind as the man started groping her, but she refused to give in.  
  
She had to fight him off. She had to.  
  
***  
  
Syaoran felt his blood freeze in his veins as a bloodcurdling scream pierced the frigid night air.  
  
"Sakura!"  
  
~***~  
  
Syaoran shuddered at the memory of that night.  
  
~***~  
  
"You fucken bastard, what the hell did you think you're doing!?" Syaoran blazed as he sank his fist into the older man's stomach. "I'm gonna kill you for touching her!"  
  
Sakura watched on, trembling, as Syaoran continued to thrash the guy. She wanted to tell Syaoran to stop. She wanted to tell him to think about what would happen if the guy started to retaliate. But no matter how many times she begged, her body refused to move.  
  
And then as soon as it had begun, it was over.  
  
She watched numbly as Syaoran wiped a hand over his mouth; it came away covered in blood.  
  
"Come on Sakura, I've got to get you to a hospital."  
  
"No!" Sakura screamed wildly. Seeing the moaning lump on the alleyway floor, she shuddered and gagged.  
  
Syaoran watched as Sakura backed into a puddle of moonlight. He tried not to gasp at the damage the son of a bitch had inflicted on her.  
  
Her clothes were hanging off her in tattered shreds. Her lip and left cheek were swollen and bleeding. Dark bruises ran up her arms and spread all over her neck and chest.  
  
Syaoran tried to remain calm but his icy control could only stretch so far. He could already feel his rage boil, it threatened to over spill any minute.  
  
He sent a withering glance at the unconscious heap. If Sakura weren't here he would have finished the bastard off, but he had already decided that she had seen enough violence to last her a life time.  
  
"Sakura, listen to me, you have to go see a doctor. He might have hurt you." Syaoran explained anxiously. Taking out his handkerchief, he wiped her mouth and hugged her to him hoping to calm her fears.  
  
He stumbled as she roughly pushed him from her. "Don't touch me!" She cried. He tried to not let the pain those words had caused him to show. But her cowering away from him was almost too much. "Please, don't," she begged.  
  
Syaoran felt his heart shatter. He wanted to make her see that he wasn't like that bastard; he would never hurt her like that. But Sakura's health came first.  
  
"Alright then, but let me get you to the hospital."  
  
"No, I just want to go home." She whispered, pleadingly. He wanted to argue with her but seeing how worn out she was he relented. Calling a cab he escorted her home.  
  
He didn't realize that by leaving her alone as she had requested he had already lost half of her.  
  
~***~  
  
"Sakura!" Tomoyo screamed, shaking her trembling friend.  
  
Sakura bolted upright as she was pitched back to reality. She looked around wildly, trying to get her bearings. She looked like a startled deer caught in headlights.  
  
Tomoyo watched as relief washed over her as she recognized the familiar surroundings, she was back in her room.  
  
Her relief was short lived though, as all her painful emotions rushed back in full force.  
  
"Sakura?" She knew that Tomoyo had nudged her gently, trying to get her attention. But she was unable to respond, every bit of her seemed to be numb.  
  
Tomoyo would never forget the expression in Sakura's eyes as she turned towards her. The sight of the naked pain, terror and grief she had momentarily glimpsed in her friend's eyes would stay with her till the day she died. In the space of several seconds she had seen Sakura's life force drain out of her while her soul shattered.  
  
Not wanting to frighten her best friend with her uncontrollable trembling, Tomoyo gathered Sakura to her wanting to shield her from everything she had just witnessed.  
  
As hard as Sakura tried, she couldn't keep the damn of emotions from breaking. All it took was a single tear. Suddenly all the pain and heartache she had suffered washed over her like a tidal wave, flowing to every corner of her being.  
  
Tomoyo rocked her friend gently as a mother would rock her distraught child. But try as she could, she couldn't stop the shattered sobs from falling from Sakura's broken soul.  
  
"Oh, Sakura," Tomoyo cried helplessly. "I can't bare to see you like this."  
  
~***~  
  
*** Soon baby  
  
I will cry my last tear  
  
Soon yeah  
  
I will be over you  
  
Soon darlin  
  
All these tears won't be here  
  
Soon yeah  
  
You know that I will be over you soon ***  
  
"Li where're you going?!" Yamazaki yelled as Syaoran slammed down his guitar and started a frantic search for his keys.  
  
"Dammit, where're my keys!" he growled in frustration. "I've got to find Sakura."  
  
"Like hell you do. You can wait till after we're finished. They're hundreds of people out there expecting us to play!" Yamazaki snapped furiously.  
  
"Look, I don't give a shit! I've got to get to her!"  
  
*** One night baby  
  
You won't be in my dreams  
  
One night yeah  
  
I'll finally make it through  
  
One night darlin'  
  
I won't call out your name  
  
I won't be in this pain  
  
I will be over you soon ***  
  
"Hey hold up there Li," Eli stepped in front of his distraught friend, expertly blocking his exit. "We're due on in 10. You can't go anywhere yet."  
  
"Look mate, you've gotta cover for me." Syaoran tried to side step him, but Eli was quick.  
  
"I can't cover for you. You're the guitarist and lead singer."  
  
"Fine then, get someone else to cover for me. I gotta get out of here. I'll explain later." He spotted his keys; they were hanging off his guitar stand.  
  
"Does this have to do with Sakura?" Eli asked quietly.  
  
"Don't make me force you outta my way, Eli." He ran a trembling hand through his unruly hair and tried to uncurl the fist at his side before he gave his friend a bruiser. "I can't let her leave, you know what I mean. Would you let her leave if she were Tomoyo?" He did something he Syaoran Li had never done before; he begged. "Please, Eli."  
  
"You love her." Eli stated quietly.  
  
*** Soon as the mountains turn to rivers  
  
Soon as the sea turns into sand  
  
Soon as the sun comes up at midnight  
  
That's how soon that  
  
All the hurt will end  
  
But 'til then I'll just pretend  
  
It will be over  
  
Over  
  
I keep tellin' myself  
  
I'll forget you someday soon  
  
Sooooon ***  
  
"Yeah, after all this time, I've finally figured it out." Syaoran sighed. "How could I have been so stupid all these years. God, she was right in front of me and blind dick as I was I never really noticed her till now. "I don't know what I'll do without her man, she's everything to me." He tried to force the resisting lump down his throat but it refused to budge.  
  
"Li, listen to me. Just hold up for a minute. I knew you'd finally come to your senses sooner or later -though I was betting on later- anyways, I arranged for Tomoyo to bring Sakura over here in about-" he glanced down at the thick watch strapped to his wrist. "-ten minutes, right about the same time we go on. "If you're really intent on getting through to her then listen, and you better be listening good. . ."  
  
*** Soon as the mountains turn to rivers  
  
Soon as the sea turns into sand  
  
Soon as the sun comes up at midnight  
  
That's how soon that  
  
All the hurt will end  
  
But 'til then I'll just pretend  
  
It will be over (Over)  
  
Over  
  
I keep tellin myself (I keep telling myself)  
  
I'll forget you  
  
Someday soon baby (Soon)  
  
I will cry my last tear (I'll cry my last tear) soon soon  
  
Ya know that I will be over you (I'll be over you)  
  
Soon darlin (Over you)  
  
I won't call out your name (I won't call out your name)  
  
I won't be in this pain  
  
I will be over you soon (I will be over)  
  
~***~  
  
"Damn him, Tomoyo. Damn Syaoran! I love him. I've tried so hard not to, God I've tried so hard, but I do. I can't stop loving him. And I know I never will." Sakura clung to her friend and sobbed the words she knew were engraved on her broken heart.  
  
*** I'll be over you soon baby (I will be over)  
  
I'll be over ya soon  
  
Sooooon  
  
Ooh I'll be over you soon ***  
  
~***~  
  
"The taxi's waiting and my plane leaves in thirty minutes, Tomoyo." Sakura reminded her friend impatiently.  
  
"We'll be real quick Sakura, I promise. Eli would never forgive you if you didn't say goodbye."  
  
Sakura sighed knowing she couldn't argue. She'd be the same if she were in his shoes. They had all grown up together. Her, Tomoyo, Eli and . . . Syaoran. His name made the lump in her throat expand. Was there ever going to be a time when she could look back on him and not feel like she was going to crumble at any given moment?  
  
She followed Tomoyo as she grabbed her limp hand and forced her way through the crowd.  
  
The whole auditorium had undergone a total transformation. Balloons, streamers and glitter littered the floor and walls. There were decorations everywhere. It looked like a scene from a movie. Everyone was dressed in their finest and here she was in her rumpled jeans and old sweatshirt. She would have laughed if it weren't so depressing.  
  
She jumped as the crowd started screaming and roaring and suddenly she found herself in front of the stage.  
  
A gasp fell from her lips as the heavy curtains parted.  
  
"One two three, one to three four. . ." Tomoyo caught Eli's eye and smiled as he grinned and gave a small nod. Glancing to her left she saw that Sakura's whole attention was focused on the stage, or rather at the lead singer.  
  
Crossing her fingers she prayed that this would work. "Don't let her down, Li," she whispered softly.  
  
~***~  
  
Strumming his guitar, he joined his band members as the song begun. So far everything was going as planned. Sakura was here. He had to do this. It was either now or never. Licking his suddenly dry lips, he leaned towards the microphone and hoped that she would realize what he was doing.  
  
*** Love, I see forever in your eyes  
  
I can see heaven in your smile  
  
And when I hold you close  
  
I don't want to let go  
  
Because deep in my soul I know, girl  
  
That you are the only light I see  
  
Your love means everything to me  
  
I know that we will never part  
  
'Cause you'll always be here, here in my heart ***  
  
Syaoran felt the words flow from his soul through to the microphone. He held his eyes on Sakura, never for a moment breaking eye contact.  
  
She had to know that this was all for her.  
  
*** If the sun should refuse to rise  
  
And the moon doesn't hang in the night  
  
The tides won't change, seasons rearrange  
  
When the world is through  
  
I will still love you ***  
  
The words curled around Sakura's heart, touching a place deep within her; a place she had given up hope on.  
  
*** Girl, you're like an angel from above  
  
Sent here to shower me with your love  
  
Hold me beneath your wings  
  
Tell me all of those things  
  
All the hopes and the dreams we can share  
  
'Cause I'll be your shelter from the storm  
  
I'll be the fire that keeps you warm  
  
I'll be your light in the dark  
  
'Cause you'll always be here in my heart  
  
Oh girl  
  
If the sun should refuse to rise  
  
And the moon doesn't hang in the night  
  
The tides won't change, seasons rearrange  
  
When the world is through  
  
I will still love you ***  
  
Tears shimmered from her eyes as she watched her bestfriend. "I hope he's worth it, Sakura," Tomoyo whispered before turning her eyes onto the love of her life. She felt her heart with pride as she watched Eli. He had done this for Sakura; for her.  
  
*** If anything could last forever  
  
It's what I feel for you  
  
(That's what I feel for you)  
  
Oh, baby, you've touched my heart in ways  
  
That words could never say  
  
That's why I'll always love you ***  
  
Keeping his eyes trained of Sakura, Syaoran put down his guitar and gently dislodged his mike. Smiling tentatively he made his way down the stage steps and came face to face with the person he loved more then life.  
  
Sakura.  
  
*** If the sun should refuse to rise  
  
And the moon doesn't hang in the night  
  
The tides won't change, seasons rearrange  
  
When the world is through  
  
I will still love you ***  
  
~***~  
  
"Don't cry, Sakura," Syaoran begged. Lifting a hand to her face, he nestled her cheek within his hand, brushing away the tears with the pad of his thumb. "God, it breaks my heart to see you upset." He whispered softly as he gathered her trembling form against the warmth of his chest. His heart cracked when he heard her sob louder. "What have I done to you, Sakura? Please don't cry sweetheart. I'm so sorry." He let go of her and stepped back. Tipping her chin up, he brushed the strands of wayward hair behind her ear and smile down at her softly. "I love you."  
  
Everything disappeared as he slowly lowered his head and captured her lips in a kiss that touched him to his very soul.  
  
Sakura captured Syaoran's hands within her own and responded with her whole soul.  
  
The couple finally broke apart as the crowd went wild with cheering. But they didn't notice; they were lost in a world of their own. Looking into Syaoran's eyes Sakura found what she had been looking for for all her life; the other half of her heart and soul.  
  
Bit by bit she felt her soul reconstruct itself into something stronger, something more. "Oh Syaoran," she whispered with a laugh, "I love you too." Then everything disappeared as she drowned once more in his arms, in his lips. . .  
  
~***~  
  
Hidden in the shadows, a couple watched on nestled within each others arms.  
  
"Oh Eli, you did it." Tomoyo laughed, tears were snaking themselves down her flushed cheeks.  
  
Eli lifted a hand to brush away the tears, though he knew that the tears were not of sorrow but of happiness. "No my love, we did it." And then, they too were lost to the world around them as they surrendered to the love they held for each other.  
  
~***~  
  
"That night Li asked me to marry him and we were wed two years later." Sakura looked up into her lovers eyes, surprised to find the glitter of tears in them.  
  
"That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard," sobbed the green-eyed redhead.  
  
"You went through so much. All that pain, how could you bear it, grandma?" asked the amber-eyed brunette as she swiped at the tears trailing down her cheeks.  
  
Sakura surveyed the people she loved most, surprised to find them all in tears.  
  
Dabbing at the tears escaping from her own eyes she turned around and took her lovers hand. Her heart lifted as he gave her hand a gentle reassuring squeeze. "I bore it because I loved your grandpa so much," she smiled up at the handsome face looking lovingly down at her, "and I still do." She turned back to her children and grandchildren. She was so proud of them all, of all they had accomplished and would still accomplish as they bloomed and flourished through life. They had all done her and Syaoran proud. Her heart expanded as she took in all their tear-stained faces. "And I never will stop loving him."  
  
~***~  
  
Later that night Sakura was sitting up in bed reading a book when her husband entered. Crossing the room he lifted up the blankets and slid into bed next to her. Wrapping his arms around her, he gathered his lovely wife to him and kissed her brow.  
  
He didn't think that it was possible but his wife had grown more beautiful with each passing year. It wasn't just her outer beauty but something that blossomed from deep within her, something he had almost let die those some sixty years ago.  
  
His heart always tightened whenever he thought back to that time over sixty years ago. He had come so close to losing everything he held dear. The realization brought a shudder down his back.  
  
"Are you cold, sweetheart?" Sakura asked, a worried frown marred her brow.  
  
"How can I be cold when I'm in bed with you?" Syaoran growled huskily, shooting a meaningful glance at his wife, he waggled his brows in suggestion.  
  
"You are a dirty old man, Syaoran. I'm still wondering why I married you," Sakura clucked her tongue in mock annoyance.  
  
"The answer's easy. You love me." Syaoran explained arrogantly.  
  
"Actually I'm not so sure. . ." Sakura replied slowly, knowing her words would egg him on.  
  
Syaoran gasped in mock surprise. Planting a hand to his heart he pretended to stagger, "How could you do this to me, and on our sixtieth anniversary?" The next thing she knew Sakura was pinned beneath the dirty old man, but he was her dirty old man.  
  
"I love you Mr. Li" Sakura sighed as Syaoran leaned down to kiss her.  
  
"And I love you. Mrs. Li."  
  
~***~  
  
A.N  
  
Please review! If anyone wants the epilogue, just ask. 


	3. Love's Eternity

Hey, the long awaited epilogue is finally out!

For all of you guys who said that the last bit about Sakura and Syaoran in bed together was gross, I want to remind you that love doesn't only exist till you're forty. Love is eternal and goes on forever.

When I wrote that last bit, I was letting you know that Sakura and Syaoran's love survived the years and continued to do so. They survived through the bad, ugly and heart wrenchingly sad.

Their love is one that we only dream about (That's why we write about it) =D

Anyways, hope you enjoy…

**Email: **

© 27-02-04

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CCS. Clamp does. I also do not own the song by Maria Carey.****

****

**Mungbeans**

Sorry, I never told you,

All I wanted to say, now it's

Too late to hold, 'cause you've

Flown away, so far away

Syaoran Li lay in his bed, a single tear rolling down his wrinkled cheek. Many more followed soon, making themselves down the creases of his sombre face.

"Sakura," he sobbed out her name, his voice as frail as a leaf against hail.

God, how he missed her. It had only been months after her death but the pain hadn't ceased, if possible it had amplified. Every time he thought of her he felt bit after bit of him shatter into fragments so small they were like shards of glass scattered through time.

Every time he tried to pick them up and glue them back together he found himself staring at the memory each shard held.

Never had I imagined, yeah,

Living without your smile

Feelin' and knowing you hear me

It keeps me alive

Alive

Memories they had made and shared. Tales of yesterday, tomorrows never made, years of undying love.

Syaoran buried his face in his hands and let the dam break loose. His body shook as sob after powerful sob rattled out of his stooped body.

Memories filled his mind, flashing like an old projector.

And I know you're shining

Down on me from heaven,

Like so many friends

We've lost along the way, and

I know eventually we'll be together

Together babe

One sweet day, one sweet day

Memories of their first kiss that night at the end of year ball. The sweetness of it, the light. The way he found she fit perfectly into his arms.

The first time he had professed his love, and the many times after.

Picturing a little scene from heaven

Memories of the first time they made love floated into his mind, bringing forth harder sobs. He recalled the way she had tentatively explored his body at first, the she cried out, first at the small sting of pain then at the surprise of the pleasure that followed. And the way he had been proved right—they were perfect for each other.

He remembered her reaction, the glow in her eyes, her soft smile as they were pronounced man and wife. He hardly remembered the details of the memorable day but he would never forget that moment—the moment he could breathe a sigh of relief. She was finally all his. To love and cherish for the rest of their lives together.

Darling I never showed you, assumed

You'd always be there, always be there

I took your presence for granted

But I always cared

I always care, and I miss the love we shared

A small reflective smile played on his lips as he recalled the birth of their first child. He winced, aching at the memory of the way Sakura had screamed and cried in pain. He would have given anything to take the pain away from her, to take her in his arms and tell her that it would be alright. As he held her hand and felt her push for the final time he looked at his wife and knew that at that moment she was the most beautiful woman ever.

Memory after memory followed. Memories of laughter, pain, sorrow but mostly of love. Love. The emotion that had been most abundant in their lives.

He missed her so much.

The day Sakura had died had been the worst day of his life. The day he knew the light in his life had gone out. The memory of her funeral was scattered and patched in places but the pain and anger and hopelessness he felt were etched into his soul.

And I know you're shining

Down on me from heaven,

Like so many friends

We've lost along the way, and

I know eventually we'll be together

Together one sweet day

It had been eleven and a half months since he had found that he couldn't wake her from her slumber. Nearly a year of pain and anger at God for taking her away. He knew his children, grandkids and great-grandkids worried about him, but he didn't want to continue life. Life meant nothing with love.

Without his soulmate.

Without Sakura.

Syaoran heaved a deep sigh and closed his eyes. Breathing his last breath as life left him.

A few moments later a shining white light emerged from his body and before anyone could glimpse the phenomenon it disappeared in a shower of sparks.

Although the sun will never shine the same,

I'll always look to a brighter day

The sky was dark and raining as if the heavens cried with the mourners over the lost of their beloved. The reception had been lovely, though poignantly sad and as one by one the guests filtered away a couple were left standing on the damp grass before the mound of freshly overturned soil.

Kari felt her husband's arm go around her and smiled softly. "They're finally together again."

"They were never meant to part." Kouji answered.

"This last year. . .I couldn't bear seeing him that way. He couldn't live without grandma." Kari felt the silent tears slide down her cheeks.

Kouji gathered his small wife—so much like her grandma—into his arms and placed a kiss atop her head all the while crooning soft soothing words to her. "They loved each other deeply."

"I miss him so much Kouji, first grandma then him." Kari cried brokenheartedly against her husband's chest.

"I know you did sweetheart. But remember," her stepped back and cupped her chin, tilting her face up to him. "They're together now, and they'll be till the end of time as they've always wanted it to be." He dropped a gentle kiss on her swollen lips and tear-stained cheeks.

They turned and looked at the white gravestone, so new it looked out of place. The words were freshly engraved, the script as delicate and elegant as a dove's wing.

_Love is as precious as unspoken words_

_Life is as valuable as sunlight_

_Death is not the end _

_But the beginning to all dreams_

_Here lays Li Syaoran, dearly beloved husband,_

_grandfather and great-grandfather._

_May you find peace and happiness at last. _

Beside the gleaming marble lay another gravestone, an angel perched on the corner.

"You're with grandma now, grandpa. Here and in heaven." As the soft words floated on the gentle breeze, a ray of light broke through the dense clouds and illuminated the two gravestones.

"I hope you're at peace now Syaoran. We'll always miss you…but we know now that you've found true happiness up there with Sakura." Kouji wrapped his arm around Kari's small waist and as they stepped away from the graveyard they felt something deep inside, like light touching their souls.

"Sakura?" an ageless Syaoran felt the tears shimmer in his eyes as he laid eyes on the face he had thought he would never see again.

Sakura. She was so beautiful, all light, laughter and love. Her small figure was cloaked in white, a soft light emitting from her.

"Oh, Syaoran. You silly man. You had years left on earth. Why'd you give them up?" Sakura asked as she walked into her beloved's arms. Tears also snaking down her glowing cheeks.

"Life isn't life without you. I told you that all those years ago on our wedding and I still mean them. I love you Sakura."

Sakura sobbed in happiness. "I love you Syaoran."

Yeah, yeah, Lord, I know when

I lay me down to sleep

You'll always listen as I pray

And I know you're shining

Down on me from heaven,

Like so many friends

We've lost along the way, and

I know eventually we'll be together

Together, together

One sweet day, one sweet day

One sweet day, one sweet day

And I know you're shining

Down on me from heaven,

Like so many friends

We've lost along the way, and

I, I know, I know eventually we'll be together

One sweet day, ohh sorry, I never told you

All I wanted to say. . .

Fin


End file.
